is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
