omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
