Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
