Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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