So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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