he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
