I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
