Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
