I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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