He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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