census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I will be naked everywhere
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
