It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
