I need to stop coming to work sober
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just googled if crying burns calories
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
