a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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