I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
