well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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