my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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