my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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