I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
