i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
