Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
