She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
