I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
