you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
