My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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