His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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