I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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