one two three fourrrrnication!
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
