Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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