I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
