I'm jealous of your bromance
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
