Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
