He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
bring money and cleavage
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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