My nipple is on Facebook.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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