Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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