you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
