I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
