Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i drank out of a bidet.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
