You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
