My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
