yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
