You smell like stripper and shame
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
