Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
