i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
