do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
