4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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