Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
