I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
