I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
