nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
